Dec 30, 2010

What if I could fall in love with my body?

detail from collage in progress

Lately I've been feeling like I'm floating along without 'purpose'.
I'm not working due to disability and not volunteering for the same reason.
Although it doesn't come out a lot on this blog, I have pretty bad depression most of the time (though it has improved a lot since August when I had an amazing Energy Medicine session... when I do my homework the improvements are even better :)

I've tried to make my art my Purpose and it doesn't quite fit.
My art is one of my major Passions and I've always liked the idea of having my Purpose be one of my Passions... I'm not sure why it's not working. I wonder if it's because my art doesn't have big goals?

I had a very powerful dream recently in which I saw myself from behind, doing pull-ups/chin-ups in a backless top. I could see muscles and strength!
I can't even do half of a chin up in my waking life :-)
At the same time that I was seeing my body from the outside, I could also feel what it felt like to be in that strong, powerful, healthy and fit body. It was wonderful!
I've always hated exercising and have never had a body like I had in my dream and I awoke thinking, "What if I could have that?"
I wonder if I would hate exercise less if I thought of it as working toward a goal I desire, rather than a chore I feel I 'should' do?

I felt inspired and motivated and began going through magazines to make a collage, wanting to capture that motivation in a visual form that I could hang on my wall as a reminder. I hope to finish and post it soon.

In the process of cutting collage pieces, I found myself suddenly thinking, "What if I could actually fall in love with my body?"
It seemed inconceivable. Yet enticing!
For many, many years, my body has been a source of frustration and suffering, either not being able to do what I want it to or having all sorts of symptoms I don't want it to have. I feel that I have no control over my body, that I'm powerless.

I've decided to try and change my relationship with my body.
Perhaps if I start falling in love with it from the outside, it will sense that love and begin to balance on the inside.

created at


  1. Hello! I listened to the YouTube video you posted on the Creative Every Day site and it is fantastic. Not only that, but I wanted to send you a message and then came across this post that I desperately needed to read. I love serendipitous things! Looking forward to reading more from you!

  2. hi Edie,
    thanks so much for posting!
    Your comment was so perfectly timed for me that it, too, feels like serendipity. This is the most personal, vulnerable post I've ever shared on this blog and is quite a departure from what I normally share. I was just starting to feel nervous and doubtful of if it would be something anyone would want to read when your comment arrived to assure me. :-)
    I love that video SO, so much. I haven't posted it on this blog yet but plan to soon. I'm glad you liked it too!

  3. Liberty, I have a feeling that some kind of synchronicity is waiting just around the corner for you. I wonder if the full moon exercises or some kind of visioning through art would help clarify a sense of purpose. I think I'm going to try and create a Wishing Year Shrine like those on this web page.
    Too bad the contest is over : )

  4. thank you Barbara, I am encouraged by your feeling :)
    I am really captivated by that wishing year shrine idea - as soon as I checked out the site, my passion soared!
    I will think/feel more on this - thank you :)

  5. I love your word collage. It is often hard to keep those negative thoughts from taking over. I think that the holidays can be especially tough. I love the idea of the positive affirmation collage. I wish you only good things in 2011!

  6. Thank you Kelly! I agree that the holidays can be an especially hard time.
    thanks for the lovely 2011 wishes! I wish the same for you :-)


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