What if I could fall in love with my body?

detail from collage in progress

Lately I've been feeling like I'm floating along without 'purpose'.
I'm not working due to disability and not volunteering for the same reason.
Although it doesn't come out a lot on this blog, I have pretty bad depression most of the time (though it has improved a lot since August when I had an amazing Energy Medicine session... when I do my homework the improvements are even better :)

I've tried to make my art my Purpose and it doesn't quite fit.
My art is one of my major Passions and I've always liked the idea of having my Purpose be one of my Passions... I'm not sure why it's not working. I wonder if it's because my art doesn't have big goals?

I had a very powerful dream recently in which I saw myself from behind, doing pull-ups/chin-ups in a backless top. I could see muscles and strength!
I can't even do half of a chin up in my waking life :-)
At the same time that I was seeing my body from the outside, I could also feel what it felt like to be in that strong, powerful, healthy and fit body. It was wonderful!
I've always hated exercising and have never had a body like I had in my dream and I awoke thinking, "What if I could have that?"
I wonder if I would hate exercise less if I thought of it as working toward a goal I desire, rather than a chore I feel I 'should' do?

I felt inspired and motivated and began going through magazines to make a collage, wanting to capture that motivation in a visual form that I could hang on my wall as a reminder. I hope to finish and post it soon.

In the process of cutting collage pieces, I found myself suddenly thinking, "What if I could actually fall in love with my body?"
It seemed inconceivable. Yet enticing!
For many, many years, my body has been a source of frustration and suffering, either not being able to do what I want it to or having all sorts of symptoms I don't want it to have. I feel that I have no control over my body, that I'm powerless.

I've decided to try and change my relationship with my body.

Perhaps if I start falling in love with it from the outside, it will sense that love and begin to balance on the inside.

created at Wordle.net

Christmas-y Wordle

Have you played with Wordle yet?
I love it. :-)
Basically you go to the Create page, type (or paste) text, hit the Go button and edit how you'd like the words to appear (horizontal, rounder edges, random shape, font, colours etc).  You can edit a custom colour pallette like I did with this Holiday-themed Wordle.  The more times a word appears in your piece of text, the larger it will be.  Therefore, if you want different sized words, you will need to have some words appear more than once.

You can write your own text or play around with copying and pasting poems, songs or writing from online sources.

click to see larger image

  http://www.wordle.net/show/wrdl/2815980/Christmas-y_Words


One of the few things I don't like about Wordle is that it doesn't make an image file you can save.  I got around this by using the ridiculously easy screen shot tool in Windows Vista called the Snipping Tool (which I just discovered today and am very excited about :)
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